It is said that 9 out of 10 conversations miss the mark. We talk over each other, past each other, trigger each other and then just stop listening. So, how satisfied are you with your conversations? Do you hit the mark? Do you connect and influence the people you talk with? We all know that as a leader today we are expected to be expert influencers. But are we?

What is leading with influence?

Charting a clear direction - persuading others and addressing resistance - inspiring people - winning hearts as well as minds - communicating clearly and with impact.

Take a moment to pause and reflect…

Do you lead with influence?
How successful are you at this?
How do you know?
What about the people you work with, your leaders? Do they lead with influence?

Consider your conversational intelligence:

According to Conversational Intelligence expert Dr Judith Glaser, conversations are how our work gets done, and there are a range of approaches we can choose in any conversation that determines how we connect with and influence others. These approaches are set out in the conversation dashboard below.

The Conversation Dashboard

Where do your conversations register?

At one end of the spectrum is an 'I' perspective or an 'I' centric approach. This approach is all about me and what I need to do. It is about how I influence others to see my point of view. It is about me making others 'get it'.

Take a moment to pause and reflect…

Do you ever find yourself thinking?

I am the leader and I know
They need to understand
How can I get others to…?
What I need them to do is….

This is a 'power-over' mindset; a mindset that I know best and need to get others to recognise, understand and act accordingly.

In a busy, pressured, results-oriented environment this mindset can support just getting things done, but it doesn’t enable leading with influence. Instead what it does is close people down, move them into a protective stance, where they resist, become sceptical or at best wait and see. This approach impacts on the level of trust, and as we know from Stephen Covey Jnr’s work on trust; the level of trust you have directly impacts the speed and quality of delivery.

At the other end of the spectrum are the 'we' centric approaches which open people up, invite and enable people to partner with us, to become experimenters and co-creators. This approach enables connection and trust to develop; this is where true influence can occur. This is a 'power-with' mindset.

Leading with Influence: making the shift from 'I' to 'We'

Adapting our leadership and influencing style to meet person and situational needs can occur more readily when we make the shift from an 'I' perspective to a 'We' perspective.

Practices to build a 'We' perspective include:

create time and space to talk with people
get curious
allow and encourage people to express their ideas and to have a voice
ask questions you don’t know the answers to
ask the 'what if' questions
listen to connect
consciously form teams and groups where people are able to participate and share with each other, to learn from each other
use a range of techniques that enable each person to have a voice hold the space for different perspectives to emerge and be explored
make it a practice to ask for and listen to input and feedback especially from people and stakeholders that hold a different perspective from you
speak and show appreciation to others for their contributions
look for and work through the gaps
make the connections and identify springboards
use story to bring people together, learn from each other, build and leverage from each other’s success.

By shifting to WE-centric practices, we build our capability to lead with influence, to increase positive energy and trust, focusing people on creating a shared future, and enabling greater leadership behaviours in everyone.”WE-centric leaders realise that 'we' have the power that fuels growth. They know they don’t need to have all the answers, and they also know that in the face of unprecedented change, inclusive behaviours radically shift the power dynamics towards partnering and positively influencing for productivity and quality.”
- Judith E. Glaser

About The Author:

This was a blogpost (abridged) written by Michelle McCormack for Leadership Development Centre (LDC) - an organization started in 1995 which focuses on growing and strengthening leadership teams, helping senior teams to develop leadership potential and leading leadership thinking, research and development.

To view the original post go to: https://www.ldc.govt.nz/resources-2/blogs/michelle-mccormack/9-out-of-10-conversations-miss-the-mark/

Nine Out of Ten Conversations Miss the Mark