Just Tell Me: 5 Strategies for Giving Feedback
Imagine you’re walking down the hall and your boss is coming toward you. As you get a few feet apart, the boss says, “Could you come into the office for a few minutes? I’ve got some feedback for you.”
First, what’s your knee-jerk reaction? Are you eagerly looking forward to this conversation, or is your first thought, “I wonder what’s gone wrong that would trigger this?” You proceed to your bosses’ office and he tells you about a conversation with a customer who said extremely positive things about you during a recent meeting.
Your racing heart and sweaty palms were totally unnecessary.
What if the boss had some suggestions about the big project you are working on? Or, what if the boss wanted to talk about a presentation you made in the last management team meeting and wanted to take issue with some of your data and conclusions?
As an employee, how well do you receive corrective or positive feedback?
Conversely, are you the boss that fears saying anything negative? These are extremely different conversations. We have done some research recently about individuals’ preferences and perceptions about feedback. We submit there are some things you can do to ensure that each of these feedback conversations has a positive outcome, while at the same time minimizing the amount of stress or needless angst that is felt by the person on the receiving end of the news.
Here are our suggestions:
1. Immediately play the background music
In a movie you invariably know how serious something is or is about to become by the background music. The giver of feedback should instantly signal whether the discussion to come is trivial or titanic, career threatening or casual observation. The background music is the smile or grimace on your face, the tone of your voice and the words of your quick introduction. These calibrate the discussion for the receiver.
In no way are we suggesting that the giver of feedback should minimize the seriousness of a discussion, if it is intended to be serious. But we are suggesting that on those occasions when it is not something that the receiver needs to worry about that you instantly make that fact clear. Our brains are programmed to respond one way to perceived threats and a totally different way to something that promises to be positive. We should set the proper stage as quickly as possible.
2. Make and follow a plan
Like everything else in life, things go better when there is a plan. In the case of corrective feedback, the plan could include you calmly and objectively describing what’s happened or quickly outlining the receiver’s behaviour that concerns you. Make it short. Then ask for the receiver’s perspective. The second phase of the plan involves you describing how you’d like things to be going forward, or the changes in behaviour you’d like to see.
3. Don’t tackle multiple topics in one discussion
Because most of us tend to put off these conversations, there is a temptation to collect several issues and to talk about them all in one sitting. Don’t. Stick with one or two topics. Save the other matters for another day, or perhaps as a way to stay close to the individual in follow up conversations.
4. Rehearse any serious discussion
If this intended feedback session involves a potentially delicate, emotional issue, this is all the more reason to rehearse what you’re going to say. That rehearsal could be with someone from HR, or it could be you sitting at your desk going through the discussion mentally. But even mental rehearsal lets you “listen” to the words you intend to say. Frequently you’ll immediately know, “There’s a better way to say that,” or “That won’t go down very well.”
5. Treat the receiver with an extra measure of respect
One of the bedrock principles of all good leadership is to treat others with respect. But of all times when that is especially important, it is when you provide someone with corrective feedback. Asking rather than telling is a mark of respect.
Being calm and factual is showing respect. Not insisting that the issue be resolved this minute, but giving the other person time to digest the message and decide what to do is a further mark of respect.
Feedback can truly be a gift. But the gifts we enjoy the most are the ones chosen by the giver because they will benefit us and make us better. Feedback that has positive outcomes has to meet that standard. The receiver needs to believe that it was done to be helpful and with the receiver’s benefit in mind.
In a previous blog we discussed the benefits of managers asking for feedback from their colleagues, and providing feedback to them. Those of us who have worked in organizations for decades know that feedback is the thing that is in highest demand and shortest supply. Invariably employees say they want more of it. The research is clear that employees feel like they operate in a vacuum most of the time. Giving feedback doesn’t take huge amounts of time, and it doesn’t cost huge sums of money. So why is it avoided?
We suspect there are many good answers, but rather than one more discourse on that, we’ll jump onto one of the reasons---many of us don’t know how. Following the five suggestions above is a great place to start.
More times that I care to remember I’ve heard employees exclaim “why didn’t anyone tell me!” People want to know. It’s your job as a leader to tell them.
About the Author:
Jack Zenger is the co-founder and chief executive officer of Zenger Folkman. He is a world expert in the field of leadership development, and is a highly respected and sought after speaker, consultant and executive coach. http://zengerfolkman.com/