Self-Awareness: The Neglected Leadership Skill
I was recently coaching a leader where she was describing a situation with a colleague that had suddenly “fallen off the rails” and gotten surprisingly out of control. Both sides began to escalate and with each new level, the tone got more emotional with problematic, hurtful comments being exchanged. Thankfully the meeting ended because of another commitment before too much damage had occurred. In a subsequent coaching meeting, we explored the interaction and two issues jumped out at me. The first was the speed at which the interaction went from ‘cool’ and in control to ‘hot’ and out of control. The second was my client’s lack of a deep understanding regarding self-awareness. This had not been evident in our work up to this point.
“I would like to propose that leaders and coaches spend more time, energy and development on rigorous self-awareness. ”
The Greeks, who knew something about personal and company politics, had a powerful inscription in the forecourt at their temple at Delphi- “Know Thyself”. Contained in this aphorism is an implied warning- know where the mortal domain ends and where you are entering the purview of the Gods. If one unknowingly or with arrogance imagines themselves to have god-like status, or that conventional social rules don’t apply to them (hubris), then they will pay a price and be “brought down to earth”. The Greek edict and caution of “Know Thyself” translates today into the necessity of rigorous self-examination and awareness in both personal and professional domains.
Simply, it is the ability to accurately identify and process one’s feelings which can then lead to appropriate, balanced action. Developed self-awareness allows for the accurate linking of emotion to a precipitating event. It also includes the skill of properly managing the emotions as they get expressed to others. Self-awareness leads us to consciously choose our actions and to manage emotions rather than allow them to manage us. How does one know if they are lacking self-awareness? This is a bit of a Catch 22-how can a person know that they aren’t self-aware if they have a diminished ability for self-observation? In this case, ignorance might really be bliss but not if it results in a stymied career path, charged and ineffectual interpersonal and reporting relationships or in the physical manifestations of poor stress management. Often external data is required to provide the necessary “wake up” call to a leader if they are lacking this essential skill. One powerful set of data is provided by the 360- feedback process.
“Self-awareness provides the foundation for most other emotional intelligence skills and is crucial if one wants to take effective and aligned action. ”
When a gap or blind spot appears between what a leader believes about themselves and how observers perceive them, an internal tension can emerge and lead to some relevant self-examining questions. Another valuable mechanism for determining the level of self -awareness is through a validated emotional intelligence inventory. This objective data can establish a baseline of self-awareness abilities and point to opportunities for growth. More informal feedback from peers, colleagues and managers can also produce good information provided the person giving the feedback shares it with integrity and the leader is genuinely open to the process and values both “good” and “bad” comments.
Leadership coaching provides many opportunities for “holding up the mirror” to a leader who is open to the feedback around their actions and self-awareness. This can involve the coach soliciting feedback from workmates or may emerge from the actual coaching process when a leader is being challenged to confront some issues and may react in a “triggered” manner parallel to what potentially occurs in their work environment.
A less objective but still observable approach is to critically evaluate one’s career path. Has the expected trajectory leveled off or fallen? Are they being passed over for assignments or positions that would appear to be a good or logical progression? In other words, have they been derailed?
Finally, the most dramatic and potentially costly observable feedback is in interpersonal disruptions where one suffers an “emotional meltdown” or what the emotional intelligence literature refers to as an amygdala hijack. This was the powerful data that my client presented around the meeting with his colleague. If these are frequently happening then this could be evidence that the self-awareness required to effectively manage interactions is missing.
At the stage of developing self-awareness, a certain amount of emotional reaction is predictable indicating the normal tension between our known or public self and our blind spots. Defensiveness, denial and confusion are often present when confronting new data. A series of questions may help shift from a reactive to a proactive position thereby extending self-awareness.
Questions could include…
• How am I feeling?
• Where am I feeling it?
• How is this true even to a degree?
• What assumptions am I adding to the feedback?
• Does my reaction seem disproportionate?
• What is contained in the feedback that could be triggering me?
• Are my reactions recurring or following a predictable pattern?
To this point we have identified the importance of self-awareness and discussed ways of gathering feedback that can indicate whether we are lacking in this essential skill. This represents the assessment phase of self-awareness development. In some ways assessment is the easy part whereas improving self-awareness is more difficult. Our tendencies and habits of self-awareness have been with us for many years and are deeply ingrained.
About The Author:
Alan Cameron is a executive leadership coach at BCI Leadership, a Canadian based organization offering coaching, strategies and diagnostics to support organizational challenges. For more info: http://www.bcileadership.com